The one thing you have to realize when you pick a fight with an over-eating disorder, a direct symptom of which is usually excess bodyfat, is that it if you hope to win, you’ll be fighting for the rest of your life. It’s like fighting crime or terrorism, it’s not going away, but if you push and push and push and never, never, never give up, you are the winner. The disorder, the fat, whatever, will change tactics regularly, and you have to change as well. It’s a sneaky sonofabitch, and if it’s not one of your top priorities of thought every day, you’ll find yourself on the ropes quite quickly. Sometimes the cravings will win the battle, you’ll miss two days in a row, you’ll find some illegitimate reason or excuse to just “do this later when the timing’s better”, and then you’re on your ass. But bear in mind one thing, you started the fight, and it’s never going to be over, so you will be back, it’s just a matter of time, and if you trust the process, you will win the war. There’s that point of time when you declare war, and it’s usually when you have been pushed so far you simply can’t go backward anymore. If you have depression problems, behind you is a cliff, for jumping-off-to-your-death purposes; if not, behind you is a brick wall. Either one represents something that has to be moved away from at all costs. This point of time when you declare war is a singularity in the time-space continuum of the person with the monkey on his back. Richard personified my singularity, my black hole, my rock bottom; the day I said enough is enough.
So not long after Richard, I started with a list of goals, always good I suppose, and here’s the list of goals I made:
- Have more fun with my baby boy
- Get rid of numbness and pain in feet, knees, legs, and back
- Get more respect
- Reduce anxiety and depression
- Start hunting again
- Start competing in a sport again
- Look better
- Dress better
- Reduce health problems
- Live a fuller and longer life
I made those goals on January 2nd, 2012 – which was about a month after Richard, and as I write this, 5 years and 5 months ago, or 5 years and 6 months after Richard. First of all, if you make a list like this one, and you want to start off being honest with yourself, forget all of them except #7. Yeah, the rest would be cool, and they’ll follow, but all I really wanted to do was look better. I wasn’t even pretending that I was gonna shoot for ripped, I just wanted to not stand out in a crowd. In fact, that’s the hope and the irony of all fat-people thoughts – you want so bad just to be unnoticeable, yet you command attention like an ambulance siren. You think, and in fact, you are correct, that when you walk into a room everybody silent says to themselves “jeezus, look at the size of that guy (or that girl)”. So let’s just say my goal was to look better.
I started the process on Monday, January 2nd, 2012. I had picked my fight with fat many years ago, and fought feeble battles with it now and then, but it wasn’t until this day that I started the process. The day of the week and date here are very important. For me, things have to start on Monday, it’s just that bred-into-me old-school thought that work weeks start on Monday, whether your job is to construct the universe or lose 150 lbs. Both endeavors seemed about as difficult, and with losing weight, you better get used to the fact that there are no Sabbath/rest days either. And second, I had to start January 2nd. Though I think a New Year’s resolution is technically supposed to start on New Year’s Day, this doesn’t make any sense. You can’t start the process on a holiday because from then on you don’t get holidays, so you better get yourself ready on this last holiday, New Year’s Day.
Bear in mind, this was me talking to me. From now on “you don’t get holidays”. And then maybe I followed it with, “your days of banging down pretty little donuts straight from the box non-stop are over. From now on, your ass belongs to the process…”.
Monday January 2nd, 2012 – My journal entry:
Feeling motivated
This is a great beginning to an incredible story. I can’t wait for the next post. Ben, you are one of the reasons I made the decision to get into the best shape of my life. You are undoubtedly an inspiration to many others who know you personally. And, with the publication of these posts (and hopefully a book), you will inspire countless others. Thank you!
Thank you Chad! That means a lot to me. You and your family are my favorite people in the world!
Looking forward to reading about your journey! Steve and Joy
Thank you Joy. I think you guys will like it!
Dude, I just wanted to reach out and tell you how awesome you are. This is very inspiring and motivating. I never realized this about ya!! Super proud of how hard you have always worked to attain your goals. I recall the first times seeing you on that stair master at the gym just dripping sweat, and All I thought was “TOTAL BADASS RIGHT THERE”
I knew you didn’t give a shit what anyone else thought, you were doing it for YOU. Props to you my friend. Hope you and your pretty lady are doing so well💪🏼👊🏻🙏👏🏻😁
Thank you Tana! I think you’ll like this, there’s some good stories in here.
Love