April 4th, 2012: I still haven’t weighed myself, but I feel like I haven’t lost any weight at all. I’m still too depressed about the fuck-up from the day before yesterday to risk having the scale validate these shitty feelings. I went back to the program 100%, but I still felt like I took 15 steps backward. The food that I did eat, as dictated by the program, didn’t taste so good yesterday, or feel like enough. Still want to argue with me that this isn’t a mental world war? Here’s another thing, yesterday was my weightlifting day, and that breaks rule #1: cardio! Nothing else to report except that I’ll try to be positive tomorrow!
Hopefully my post tomorrow after I weigh myself won’t be so boring.
Oh, one more thing, though, I can tell you that so far, I hate not knowing what I weigh. I thought it would make me not think about it so much, but the opposite is true. There’s an itch I won’t scratch, and it’s bugging me!
April 4th, 2020: In the photos above are a couple weight charts from this last round of focused weight loss. I had a total hip-replacement in June and got up to the highest weight I’ve been for awhile this fall. As you can see from them, the trend is down, which is most important. On a daily basis, though, you see ups and downs – and this is what I have to fight through. One pound up can really seem like a life-failure, whereas one pound down makes me feel like king of the world.
Fuck those up-weights. I let them have their minute or two to make me bummed out, and then I use them as fuel. And by the same token, I really celebrate those down-weights and store them as reminders that patience and discipline will save the day.
Choosing to weigh myself every day and thus risk picking a minor fight with myself every day seems to help me avoid unnecessary fear of the scale, which then helps me avoid waking up one day, and realizing I’ve gotten into a weight-loss world-war again, instead of just a skirmish.
I always loosely follow the program, but I dedicated myself entirely to it again in November 2019. Results are just what I expected so far, i.e. it didn’t let me down. Man, I’ve had to learn yet again, though, the meaning of the words “slippery-slope”. I take a step or two outside of my navigational beacons, and it ain’t long before I’m in the rhubarb patch, then out into the boon-docks and 20+ lbs. over my goal weight. If I ain’t careful, I’ll end up in BFE rather quickly, and be wondering how the hell I gained 50 lbs.!
