April 30th, 2012: I had to cut something out, and I did, the whole-wheat English muffin with the fake butter. I lost weight the two following days, but then today I gained a pound back to 273. This makes me want to holler down the dirt road “English muffin, please come back!!” I feel like I sent it packing for nothing.
However, the realistic side of me knows that I’ll only show a true weight loss after like a week of cutting excess calories, and the fluctuations in between are just those common air pockets that cause turbulence.
I get questioned once in awhile if I ever get to have dessert on the program, or if I get to have any sugar. The answer is yes – I have a helluva sweet tooth and if I didn’t address it every day, I would eventually swan-dive off the program wagon. I have to have something sweet to eat, I just have to manage that shit. It’s like a fire in my fireplace, I gotta stoke it, but at the same time be careful to avoid the never-ending impulse to toss in a gallon of gasoline all at once, just to see what would happen. I know goddamn well what would happen.
April 30th, 2020: I looked at 2012’s post above, and I still remember just how difficult creating a new normal is/was when it comes to dessert. I could eat just dessert for every meal, provided it was there in bulk form. It was rare for me to get sugared-out when I’d binge, just like I really couldn’t ever drink enough beer – I probably could’ve kept right on drinking all night, every night, if not for the fact that I would simply pass out.
I sometimes wonder that when I quit taking in all the carbs from excessive beer consumption that my body began to crave something to replace that molecule in some form. In fact, I didn’t eat a whole lot of dessert during the alcoholism days. I think I could take it or leave it. Honestly, I don’t think I even ate that much in general, so I could also surmise that when I quit drinking, I just needed to constantly be consuming large amounts of something.
The new normal is pretty damn good, and like anything with me, it’s just a matter of developing a strong habit. They say variety is the spice of life, but sometimes variety just fucks me up. I lived for a decade and a half under the umbrella of variety. There were some months I wasn’t even sure where I’d end up to pass-out after the excessive alcohol consumption, let alone worry about maintaining a steady diet. So yeah, it ain’t Crumbl cookies anymore, it’s Jell-O or Jell-O pudding after a day of the grind, but the habit tastes so much better than the food. I’m just saying.
